i'm learning

i set out for chicago almost exactly two months ago, in search of what would be my post-college, adult life. a life i hoped would bring me a job (and along with that, financial security), my first apartment, a great group of friends, a new church family, and all the fun excitement of independent adulthood. well i've got the friends, i'm living in a decent apartment with one of them, and excitement, well it comes and goes. the job, however, has yet to show its face.

noone ever really prepared me for the frustrations and disappointments of the post-college job search. and noone really prepared me properly for the hunt at all... or maybe i just wasn't paying attention. regardless, its been a huge struggle for me, and not only a struggle to find jobs that interest me, that utilize my schooling, and don't require dreamweaver and HTML! but its also been a struggle to be confident that i have what it takes to get hired by someone, somewhere, sometime. no matter where you go to school, no one can teach you self-confidence. they can give you all the right tools for the job (or at least most of them, maybe only some in my case), but they can't give you confidence. people without confidence don't get hired. and thats my number one problem, i've come to see. but in recognizing this, i've been able to then learn to be more confident. my friends have helped me see that i do have reason to be confident. i am learning that i can be sure of who i am, and what i offer as a person, and also as an employee, when the right employer comes along.

i had an interview on thursday with an independent book publisher in the suburbs. i had already completed a short phone interview, and design test for them. i knew going into this interview that they must like what they already know, otherwise, why bring me in for an interview? knowing this gave me an extra boost of confidence, and i was able to go in there, and put my best confident foot forward. it was difficult and i felt wrong for trying to sell myself that way, but i'm told thats what you have to do. you have to convince them you are right for the job, that you are the best person for the job, and how can you do that unless you believe it yourself? see, this believing in yourself junk we've heard our whole lives, well, it really matters. lets hope that they believe in me too. it would be so nice to have a job... that job...