we're through

me and birds, well, we've never gotten along, which is funny, because when i was little, my mom gave me the nickname birdie, but nonetheless, i grew up to dislike these very creatures i was likened to. i've always tried to at least tolerate these creatures, because after all, they are beautiful, but after today, birds are walking a very thin line between toleration and annihilation. i'll tell you why in a minute, but first lets recap my history with birds.

my mom has at different times (mostly while i was in high school and college) kept parakeets in the house, and i've always hated them. they spray junk all over around their cage, there feathers get all over the house, and they're always loud and noisy at the wrong times.

geese make me mad because they think they own everything. not only grassy areas, forests, and ponds, but the roads. stay out of the freaking roads, geese! or if you must cross, please, do it in a timely fashion! and, whatever you do, please do not crap all over me and my car, ever again.

once when i was sitting for a nice picnic with friends in the dublin zoo, we were assaulted by a peacock! normally i like peacocks. i think the they're beautiful, but come on, stay the heck away while i'm eating.

then there's the seagulls at the shore. if you leave them alone, and don't feed them, they usually behave, though every once and a while they get it in their puny little brain that whatever you're eating should rightfully be theirs. i'm sorry seagull, but this isn't so.

in addition to all this irritating and agressive behavior i have seen birds exhibit, there is also that constant threat that a little birdy sitting in a tree, or a seagull flying over your head at the beach, or even an ENTIRE FLOCK OF GEESE flying over the church parking lot, can just crap all over you, and you can't do a darn thing about it.

well, i've been through the geese scenario, and lived. i've managed to avoid the seagulls (you should see me duck and avoid them on the boardwalk, i must look like a ridiculous psycho), but today, today that cute little birdy sitting in a tree got me, and oooh was i mad. mad and disgusted. disgusted and thankful that i was just outside my apartment where i could run back inside and wash it out quickly. but for the 60 seconds or so that it was in my hair, i felt like i had bathed in poo. and i never want to feel that again. ever. please birds, leave me alone. i don't like you, and after today birds... i despiiise you.