job update

i had an interview this morning at my uncle's eye clinic, and i should hear about that within a week. doesn't look extremely promising because she knows i still want to pursue graphic design, which could mean i may not stay long enough to make the month of training worth their while. but i got a call today, and now have an interview on wednesday at target... its good to have options. and the publisher? they're checking out my references... and i'll hear from them tomorrow or wenesday. nervous. very nervous.

i've been sick to my stomach lately. and by lately i guess i mean just since last night. i couldn't sleep, and i couldn't stop thinking about these jobs, and my budget (i actually got my computer out at 3am and worked on my budget spreadsheet for various salaries for these possible jobs...) and not knowing at all, what will happen in the upcoming days, or weeks. i know that God is faithful and that he will provide; he has proven that to me again and again. but what will he provide this time? and when will it come? and will i be happy with what he provides? how hard am i going to have to work for this provision? all these unanswered questions make me feel so uneasy... and now queasy.

i'm the type of person who has to be in control. but not only do i know i'm not in control right now, but i feel helpless, and weak. it is in this weakness though that God has really been able to get ahold of me, but its all still so hard. Its hard not to second guess your trust in something so intangible. its hard, but i have no choice but to trust, and no good reason not to trust. he has never left me in need. he may at times let things get tough, but he has always given me the strength and tools and all i need to survive, and prosper. jeremiah 29:11.